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The OC Report 2/17/05 By Matt G.
Well friends, I am officially back! I am reinvigorated in this endeavor, mainly to keep that ball-buster of a webmaster off my back.
Let’s start with our boy Cal. Apparently his brush with both death and jail has given our favorite character a new outlook on life, or so we were lead to believe. Cal announced that he was going to adopt his love child, so she could be included in the empire that is Cal. Cal’s gold-digger of a wife is none to pleased with this decision, terrified that the pie could have to be chopped up one more way. (I mean this slut has been such a good wife and all, she deserves all the money). Cal then snaps back to his senses and decides that he wants some DNA testing done to confirm that the love child actually came from his seed. As we found out, Cal had good reason to demand some testing. The love child’s mother is not fond of this idea, because apparently she has nothing more than a suspect list of who could be the father of this child.
I must say I was a little disappointed with the lesbian action, or lack thereof, in this episode. I mean come on, its time for these two to get it on! What’s with these pecks on the check ladies? What the hell, is Marissa now some prude? I mean she has slept with every male teenager west of the Mississippi, including some lawn jockey, so what’s keeping her from adding another notch on her belt with the punk chick! Ladies, we want some hard core lezbo action ASAP.
Speaking of lack of action, Water Polo Boy II. I always thought this guy was a little light in the loafers, and this suspicion has been confirmed. He is in a hotel with Summer ($$$$$$$$$$) and refuses to close the deal because he is saving himself. Tell me one straight man in the world that would not have closed that deal? Personally, I would have laid more pipe than OC Plumbing! Zach=Gay.
Seth, get help. This kid is coming apart at the seams. I mean seriously, hit the showers big guy. Prediction: This season is going to end with Sand man defending his lunatic son Seth for murder, because he is a friggin’ stalker that is going to murder Summer. That, or Summer and Seth are going to get their freak on again. I am actually good with either, but am leaning for the murder twist.
Sand-man, you can’t stop f'ing up can you buddy? I mean you are going to lose both your meal ticket and a sweet piece of tail over some fat, hurting, ex-hippie convict. Good choice Sanford, way to use your head. Kerstin ought to drop this guy like a bad habit. I mean what does the Sand-man actually contribute? Speaking of Sandy and the Hippie, why can't they friggin’ get it on already? Lord have mercy, these writers can drag on a story line.
Ryan, has once again latched onto a nut. Not only does the love child have some issues (a little bit of a drama queen) but now her mother (who apparently managed to get off her back for ten minutes) is now confiding in Ryan that she is a total whore, and needs his help to protect the love child. Actually, I think mom is interested in a little piece of the Ryan express. Question: Is every woman in the OC a whore? Question: If the answer to Question One is yes, why do I not live in the OC?
Well, that’s all I got. Not one of my best efforts, but I can only work with what these jokers on Fox provide me. |