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THE OC RECAP
9/8/05 By Matt G. Wow, the OC has returned to the Airways with a Bang! Look at what transpired in week one: Trey flip-flopped so many times he made John Kerry look consistent; Ryan was back in the slammer after trying to make a run for it, and was out before the ink was even dry on his fingerprint card; Kristen went from a straight-up booze hound to the model reformed drunk; and Julie Cooper proved once again to be the Rick Flair of the OC, the Dirtiest Player in the Game! Woo!
Lets start with Sand-man. The old Sand-man offered nothing in to the opening show! I mean all he did was plead with Jimmy about Julie’s move on Trey. Sand-man, your season is looking bleak, your one buddy, Jimmy has been de-balled, your old nemesis Cal (RIP my man) is off the show, your wife is a straight up drunk who does not want to come back to you. To make matters worse, you are never at work, because you have no law practice to speak of!, but somehow manages to have a brand new whip, Lexus convertible in case you missed it! Keep up the bad work Sand-man!
Kristen, grab a fifth of vodka and get back to your family! No one is running the family business, as discussed above Sand-man sure is not making any cash, your foster son is in and out of the clink, and your real son remains a candidate for a Columbine-like school shooting, and secretly has a gay crush on Ryan! Relax and have a couple dozen drinks Kristen! You better get back and start making money, or the entire family is going to be on the pier at the OC spare changin’
Jimmy and Julie are the World’s worst parents, period! Jimmy, oh sure funny, you and your three friends, one of whom has a wrap sheet longer than Tommy Lee’s cock, can take my million dollar sailboat out for the day! What in the FUCK is this guy thinking about!! Then, he knows Julie has extorted a false confession against his best buddies foster son and does nothing about it! The only good thing I can say about Jimmy is if you are going to be pussy-whipped, at least its by a woman worth Millions of bucks!!!
Ryan and Seth. Ryan, your good luck continues buddy! I mean this kid is chucked in the slammer, again, for something he did not do, again, and then has to be bailed out by Sand-man, again! (Fox, way to think outside of the box on your story lines! Who rights this shit! Bixler’s tale about winter wheat was more original than this piece of shit story!) Seth, come on out of the closet, its okay in this day and age!
My Girls! Marissa and Summer were looking right as usual! What did Marissa, Summer and Seth do before Ryan moved into the neighborhood? We know that Seth had no friends, sat in his room and beat off to comics, that point has been driven home repeatedly (good old Fox, subtle as a sledge-hammer!), Marissa-before Ryan appeared, she fucked and drank! Since Ryan got to the neighborhood, she has fucked and drank! (Glad to see her character is being developed!) Summer, I have no idea what she did, she must have just followed Marissa around and watched her fuck and drink! The reason I ask is that those 4 are always together. I know Marissa occasionally gets the D from some random, but that is about it! Get out there guys and expand your circle of friends! I mean if Ryan takes a shit, I think those three go into the bathroom to verify its consistency!
We will end with Julie. Julie being this evil almost reminds me of my main man Cal! Hey, she learned from the master, Cal (a.k.a. the Sith Lord) She will stop at nothing to get what she wants! She is willing to give up the booty if need be, throw around the cash, and even wack someone out!! Julie is my new favorite character!
There you have it folks, the OC report is back! |