STUCKEY WAS WIDE OPEN!!!!
Miami 36 Clemson 30 3OT
By Tyson E. Campbell
Clemson (S.C.) - I can’t describe it any other way. It was just that simple. I saw it…Larry Coker saw it…90,000 other people saw it – all at the same time. ….and Charlie Whitehurst over threw him. When you experience something like that – it effects you. ‘What if he put some air under it?’ ‘What if he took an extra half-second?’ The difference is staggering. It’s the difference between 3-0 and 2-1. That’s the difference between being #15th in the country with College Gameday constructing a set outside your stadium next week and being unranked with your next game’s scored buried among the other’s on ESPN2’s bottom line. It’s the difference between Miami being 0-2 in the ACC and them being 1-1 with a shot at the Conference Championship Game. But I’m way ahead of myself – it was a long weekend.
First off, in 1912 two brother’s from Ohio invented one of the greatest things ever created…an AIRPLANE! Never underestimate the energy sucking power of a 9 hour drive on I-95 South. It might seem like a money saving idea two months ago but when you are actually leaving Oxford, PA at 7 p.m. on a Thursday night and filling up your car at $3.50 a gallon – what would you spend on a plane flight? Five hundo? A grand? How about when you’re rolling down the beltway and you see on the message board – “ACCIDENT ON WW BRIDGE/ALL LANES CLOSED”? …. How about your first-born? Well, next time you are thinking about driving over 1000 miles round trip (one that includes the District) pick up the fucking phone and call USAir.
Where were you when Bob Bradley got inducted to Clemson’s
Ring of Honor? We were illegally buying beer off of other tailgaters.
Not to worry though, a trip down Rt. 301 through Charles County Maryland, a hotel room outside Petersburg Virginia, a meeting up with Kara’s family in Charlotte North Carolina, another night stay at a friend’s house outside Anderson South Carolina, and next thing you know – you’re ripping beers at 7 in the morning in the shadows of Death Valley on game day. Now I know what you’re saying – ‘how can you be in the shadow of a valley??’. The answer is simple - Clemson University, instead of putting up one upper-deck on their bowl-like stadium and looking ridiculous and cheap at the same time (cough – Maryland), they installed TWO upper decks that rise high above the campus and cast shadows on the tailgaters below. And good thing because at 7:45 a.m. I’m already pitting out my shirt.
Now what can I say about a Clemson Tailgate, that is what this website is all about – right? Well, I’d love to sit here and write that we got out the homemade “flip the cup” table and rolled some half-ass team from Miami in multiple 7 game series. I’d love to say that my buddy’s girlfriend was dressed in all black and was absolutely lights out at every attempt so we called her The Black Widow. But it just wouldn’t be true. I’d also love to tell you that my other buddy has a money grill and was producing homemade breakfast sandwiches and pancakes faster than we could put them down but the reality was we were choking down ML’s on top of Hardee’s drive-through over some casual “catchin’ up” conversations. Not quite the same atmosphere. But don’t get me wrong it was awesome to see every square inch of parking lot, open field, and front lawn covered with cars, trucks, vans, buses, and campers. All of which were peppered with Clemson flare. The tables and tents were out and covered with all kinds of good Southern cooking. Us? We went with the sub tray from Jersey Mike’s. I know – I know. It was not our best tailgate. But you get through the first 6 ML’s and all of a sudden you could give a rat’s ass about almost anything. That’s the beauty of alcohol…the great equalizer. Anywho, a day in Clemson just isn’t complete without a trip to Sloan Street Tap Room where the owner Jimmy Howard (son of great Clemson Coach Frank Howard) will forget who you are no matter how many times you’ve been to his house during your college years. He’ll also sell you a Natural Light draft for ˘75. Yeah, that’s right SEVENTY-FIVE F-ING CENTS! It’s always a nice touch to know that you can still get cheap beer in a college town. So me and my buddies down two drafts each and thanked Mr. Howard by stealing the huggies he gives you with each draft. Classy. Well it’s getting late in the day and getting dangerously close to heading out time.
They just announced beers are now 50 cents at the Sloan Street Tap Room. Hooray!
Now if you are going to go through all this trouble to attend a Clemson home game you should make sure you are there for “The Most Exciting 25 seconds in College Football”. Me? I’m outside the stadium haggling with random tailgaters for Busch Light cans. I just asked if anyone had some extra beer and this guy ends up rooking me for a dollar per can. A dollar per can??? What sense does that make? Would you really feel better about yourself with 2 dollars in your pocket and minus 2 shit-ass beers? Neither would I but times are tough. After choking down that piss and climbing half-way to the moon we were in our seats and I was on the phone ordering a gym membership. Damn these seats are high up and this stadium is big. It’s filled to the gills and …..classic…. we’re sitting next to the Miami section. Thank God we snuck in a baggie of JD because this might be a long day.
After four hours and one of the better college football games that I’ve seen in person we’re walking out of the stadium cussing our 5th year senior quarterback for missing a chance to be undefeated. Now before you start defending him and feeling sorry for Charlie Whitehust you should know this…he’s an asshole. Really – he is. My buddy works at a bar and he comes in - orders people around, walks out on his tab, and drops the god-awful “..do you know who I am?” if someone gives him shit. Plus he missed Stuckey when he was WIDE OPEN. And by the way – Miami fans are horrible. They just sat there the entire time. Not much to cheer about but on big plays I looked over and they were just sitting there like they were watching the band perform “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey. I mean really, your team is about to win a tough ACC game – a win they desperately need and all you can do is sit there? Pathetic. I guess that’s why they don’t sell out there home games. Whoops, sorry Maryland fans. So what do you do after a loss like that??? Do you go back to your tailgate pack up your stuff and sit there with a sour look on your face watching all the Miami fans drink and have fun??? (cough – d7 tailgate) No. You go back and you don’t stop drinking until you wake up in a strange room with no money in your wallet. I rolled over and had this exchange with Kara:
Me: I had the worst dream. We were at the game – down 3 with 19 seconds left and Whitehurst missed a WIDE OPEN Chansi Stuckey in the corner of the end zone.
Kara: That was no dream.
Me: I suddenly have the worst taste in my mouth.
Kara: No shit – your breath is horrible.
Me: If you need me – I’ll be barfing in the bathroom.
After giving up alcohol for the rest of my life…twice…we’re in the car heading north to Charlotte to watch the NFL games at a downtown bar. At least I get to watch the Ravens play today – that should cheer me up? …right? What?!? Anthony WHO is starting at quarterback??? …here comes that taste in my mouth again?
Superman couldn’t have caught Whitehurst’s attempt on this life altering play.
Now don’t let my below average weekend down in Clemson deter you from taking the trip in 2006 when those Terps take on the Tigers in Death Valley. It really can be a great road trip for you D7 tailgaters out there. Hey, maybe Forrest and Snively will finally come through on the bet they lost 4 years ago. Maybe I’ll get my money from BJ, Forrest, and Snively for the bet they lost at Wevodau’s wedding. Maybe I’ll get my Mt. Olympus from Bix for the bet he lost last year (I’ll take a Pot Belly Deli instead). Who knows? Maybe I’ll finally forget about all the bets that those d7 fools owe me. But I’ll never forget how open Stuckey was. Just put it on my tombstone – HE WAS WIDE OPEN!