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"Witchart”
Well people it has been a while, but the Bix’s Homebrew 5 questions is finally back. This weeks contestant is everyone’s favorite little spark plug Shannon.
Vital Stats: Place of birth: Takoma Park, MD (also home of Steve Francis) Birth Date: April 26, 1976 (a glorious year) Birth Weight: 5 lbs 8 oz. Birth Height: 19” High School: Elanor Roosevelt High School Undergrad: The Almighty University of Maryland at College Park (golf claps). Grad School: University of Maryland (Standing golf claps) Aspirations: To be a highly successful Lawyer, and to reach 5’. Special Talents: Knows all the words to Hank Williams “Family Tradition” even the words not actually in the song. Now that’s good. Claim to Fame: When I was a teenager, I was politely asked not to ride the Shockwave at Kings Dominion, as I just barely cleared the 60 inch height restriction. As the ride operator informed me, my head was not going to fit right between the padding and he was afraid I would get a bad headache. Claim to Fame 2: Was suspended in High School for stealing a tree during a cheerleading road trip (I had to research this one). A tree??!!
Nicknames: Witchart, Smurfette, Shay-Shay, Cop Magnet, The Southern Dandy, Quiet Puker, PG Express, Powder Keg, and “That girl” (at least that is what E’s extended family now knows her as).
OK Shannon I wish you luck, no one has yet to match Jill’s 4 correct answers and you are our first contestant to be grilled while under the influence, but you lawyer types are quick on your feet. So let’s begin.
Q1. What is a better nickname for the town of Salisbury, “The Crossroads of the Delmarva” or “Smallsbury”?
A: I will have to go with Crossroads of the Delmarva, after all any chance you get to use the phrase ‘have a delmarvaleous day’ you gotta run with it.
Incorrect: The correct answer would have been “Smallsbury”. It’s actually the perfect nickname when you stop and think, it meshes the town name with its vital characteristic. Any time you combine a name with a major characteristic you have an instant nickname, for example Cowvert County, Florida State Criminals, AuMiller Lite, etc…. Tell someone out west about the Crossroads of the Delmarva and they will ask where the hell is Delmarva. You can’t have a nickname that creates more questions than answers.
OK, now your loose though, I am sure you will do much better from here on out. Moving on.
Q2. Who is the short person you admire most, Yoda or Dr. Ruth?
A: Without a doubt Yoda, did you see him fight Darth Sidious.
Correct: You are getting the hang of it now, though I didn’t see Episode 3 yet, I will trust that Yoda kicked a little ass since he doesn’t die until after Luke takes over. Dr. Ruth is famous for being short and knowing a lot about sex. Though that is admirable anyone can have sex (just check out the gene pool at your local Walmart) but not everyone can wield a light saber like the little green guy.
Q3. Say you are Ralph Friedgen for the day, who do you start at Quarterback Jordan Steffy, or Sam Hollenbach?
A: Steffy, he seems to have more heart*.
Correct: You could really go either way with this one, and I am sure it will be debated throughout the year. Hollenbach seems to be having a great summer and is the clear favorite. I was going to make him the correct answer, but when I asked the question I was thinking Steffy was the right answer so I had better keep it this way. Whoever does start better play their asses off, because I don’t want to sit through another losing season.
*According to the Official U of MD athletic site you can look up a players height and weight, but not heart size, though with technology maybe some day this will be listed.
Q4. Which is the better lawyer movie, “A Time to Kill” or “My Cousin Vinny”?
A: My Cousin Vinny! Marisa Torme won a friggin Oscar for God’s sake.
Incorrect. She may have won an Oscar (and she is awesome in those Haines commercials), but it must have been a slow year at the box office. Though not without it’s charm the movie is basically about a smooth talking New Yorker out witting the southerners. That is a major plot hole because we all know New Yorkers aren’t smarter than anyone! A Time to Kill was about Justice plain and simple, and that Matthew McConaughey is just dreamy. Whoops, ignore that last part. I meant to say Ashley Judd (meow!).
Q5. Who is getting the most out of this Union of John and Elise?
A: John is. E is getting some 90210 loving dork who doesn’t know the difference between shampoo and conditioner.
Correct. That is what we call in the 5 questions business a “lay up”. Obviously John is getting more. Though if you are counting in terms of funny drunk stories, E is inheriting an awful lot.
Well there you go. That wasn’t so bad. 3 out of 5 is one of our best scores to date. But for what it’s worth, you are the “Under the Influence All Time Leader” (until next wedding perhaps). |